My Bloginity…

Everyone remembers their first time.  First kiss, first crush, first major trip… Firsts are always memorable.  Well, you are now taking part in my first.  My first ever blog.

Now this will be alot like my other firsts: a little goofy in the beginning while i feel things out and figure exactly how to do it, but by the second or third time I’ll get better, and in a few weeks, I’ll know exactly what you like.  But I have to be honest, Im pretty sure im gonna fuck this up like i did most of my other firsts…

1. First Kiss: Yeah… I did that in a church… mmhm, tell me about it…
2. First Crush: lied to my friends that she admitted liking me, and that didnt take long to get around elementary school…
3. First Car: Bounced it off more things then a blind kid addicted to trampolines

Well, Lets start off by saying… Thanks for taking my bloginity.  I feel great now that i finally lost my B card.  So why read this blog?  There’s a few million out there, all written by people who think you should read what they have to say. 

Well… Lets just say that I take pride in calling this blog a form of Mental Masterbation.  Thats right.  Allowing your mind to enjoy itself through the guilty pleasure of knowing there’s someone out there who’s willing to say what most people only think.   

Your gonna read this because if you can appreciate a fucked up sense of humor, a view of the world that can only be described as Stevie Wonder gaining his first visions of the world (through a kaleidoscope), and an uncanny way of putting things, then im thinkin I should be able to keep you entertained. 

“ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?”

So, in short, Im gonna write about lots of stuff…. The stuff so deep that’ll make you think Kubrik just raped Hemmingway, and the stuff so deep to make you think a puddle could have more effectual thoughts.

Also, if you have any questions that you dont think can be answered, i implore you to submit them, and not only will I answer them, I will make you believe in my answer.  I have taken on such conundrums already as “why are all men assholes?” and “why are people idiots?”, and both satisified the questioner greatly. 

Now you get to tell me how bad I fucked up this first… but dont worry… I’ll last longer next time sweetie. And I promise I’ll call… really.