Catch 69

Posted in Uncategorized on March 12, 2009 by ablindmind

So a friend of mine came to me today with a question that needs answering…

“Why is it ok for men to sleep around, but not women?!”

Some people believe society has developed a double standard with the feminine branch of our species in saying that they should close the gates to heaven while we constantly try to stick in the key.  We label the women that go out and act like guys as “whores” and “sluts” and “skanky nastified penis gobblers” (a personal favorite).  But is this true?  Do we really have a double standard? 

The answer is no.  We men do not hold it against you women for making crotch access easier for us.  How does that even make sense?  Have you ever wanted to go to a club, gotten in, and said “Damn, they shouldnt have let us in like that.  What bastards…”

The double standard is held by the women themselves.  I present a case study to you.  Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent…

Your author attended Florida State University where promiscuity isnt just a word half the kids can’t spell, but a way of life.  Ass on that campus is like free samples at Sams club: every saturday… at least! In my crew of friends was a girl, Getya Sum (like the fake name?  i didnt want to confuse anyone with who she was in the story)

Getya Sum was very outgoing with her sex life.  If she wanted to get laid, she went out and got laid.  Table cloths get laid less then that girl did.  2-3 times a week.  Yet no one ever called her a slut.  No one ever said “what a whore” except for the women whose men she was getting.  Never once did anyone judge her, because she was proud of what she did, and she viewed it the right way

In fact, girls, only in high school do men label women as sluts and whores for sleeping around.  After that, we’re happy you girls are on the same page as us.  Think about it!! If your thinkin your a slut for going out, gettin down, and goin home, then we cant get in, get off, and get out.  Everyone loses. 

Now I understand the arguments against women freely dishing out theyre oh-so-delicious pie. Lets examine these..

1) Women can get loose – Ok, a valid point.  No one likes throwing a hot dog down a hallway.  But, after extensive research, and hands on experience, it has been determined that with the exception of humping a funnoodle, the happy cave shrinks back to its original size in a few hours.  can the outside apperance change?  So I’ve heard, but really, how many of you women, cute pussy or not, have ever hopped into bed with a man, gotten naked, and then heard…

“WAIT WAIT WAIT… its, its…different… this isnt what maxim said it should look like! Im sorry, i just cant…”

2) STDS – equal oppurtunity destroyers… Doesnt matter if youve got an outtie or an innie in the crotchie here, its simple odds.  The more you do something, the more likely you are to encounter the bad side.  Basically, Take too many chances with your light saber, and you run a risk of developing a disturbance in the force.

3)Women can get pregnant – Ahhh, the most expensive STD of all.. a kid.  Yeah, it can happen, but no offense, in todays age, if you wanna run around Camelot as Sir Fucksalot or Lady Intherear, then take the proper precautions.  Girls, get on the BC train; guys, wrap it like christmas, and yeah, theres always a chance, but a .1 gives you alot better odds then rollin the dice.

But just remember, Odds are like gravity… Theres no gettin around it.

Another major argument is that its NOT ok for EITHER gender to run around humping each other like its goin out of style.  We should only have sex with the ones we love.  Promiscuity is bad.  This is what religion teaches us.  I will only say one thing to this, as its a whole other topic…

Why would you let the only people in the world with no sexual experience dictate how you handle yourself with it?  Would you allow a 12 yr old to teach you how to run your business?  Maybe Ray Charles could teach you how to win a staring contest.  Point proven.

As for men enjoying the fruits of life, I present to you that it is beyond the human race that men are promiscous.  It is general Male nature.  In the wild, male lions mate with all the females of the pride.  Now, im not telling everyone we should all be in the next episode of “Big Love”, but seriously now, if Simba can enjoy the circle of life, why cant I?

Ladies.  The answer is simple.  The double standard is self imposed.  The woman throughout society wants to be seen as a loving, caring, gentle figure (on the whole. I understand not all women are like that [Hi hunny!]) but you cant have your cake and hump it too) The people calling you free flowing souls whores and sluts are the ones too afraid to just go out, let loose, and get loose (for only a few hours 😉 ) Theyre the ones too scared to sit back, relax, and let that guy that bought them the 14$ mojito and pretended to listen to theyre dribble about theyre accounting job to fill they’re TPS report for the night, because what if this, or what if that, never stopping to think whether or not theyre really livin life or just living in a pool of what-ifs.

What if it wouldve been a great time?

Ladies, you wanna stop the double standard? Then stop judging each other. Understand that the girl who went home with the guy you were talking to isnt a whore or a slut, shes the one who wanted his company more then you, and maybe if you slowed the bitch car down a little bit on the logic highway, you might not have passed judgement so damn fast and missed your turn into Happyville: Population – Not you tonight…

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My Bloginity…

Posted in Uncategorized on March 6, 2009 by ablindmind

Everyone remembers their first time.  First kiss, first crush, first major trip… Firsts are always memorable.  Well, you are now taking part in my first.  My first ever blog.

Now this will be alot like my other firsts: a little goofy in the beginning while i feel things out and figure exactly how to do it, but by the second or third time I’ll get better, and in a few weeks, I’ll know exactly what you like.  But I have to be honest, Im pretty sure im gonna fuck this up like i did most of my other firsts…

  1. First Kiss: Yeah… I did that in a church… mmhm, tell me about it…
  2. First Crush: lied to my friends that she admitted liking me, and that didnt take long to get around elementary school…
  3. First Car: Bounced it off more things then a blind kid addicted to trampolines

Well, Lets start off by saying… Thanks for taking my bloginity.  I feel great now that i finally lost my B card.  So why read this blog?  There’s a few million out there, all written by people who think you should read what they have to say. 

Well… Lets just say that I take pride in calling this blog a form of Mental Masterbation.  Thats right.  Allowing your mind to enjoy itself through the guilty pleasure of knowing there’s someone out there who’s willing to say what most people only think.   

Your gonna read this because if you can appreciate a fucked up sense of humor, a view of the world that can only be described as Stevie Wonder gaining his first visions of the world (through a kaleidoscope), and an uncanny way of putting things, then im thinkin I should be able to keep you entertained. 

“ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?”

So, in short, Im gonna write about lots of stuff…. The stuff so deep that’ll make you think Kubrik just raped Hemmingway, and the stuff so deep to make you think a puddle could have more effectual thoughts.

Also, if you have any questions that you dont think can be answered, i implore you to submit them, and not only will I answer them, I will make you believe in my answer.  I have taken on such conundrums already as “why are all men assholes?” and “why are people idiots?”, and both satisified the questioner greatly. 

Now you get to tell me how bad I fucked up this first… but dont worry… I’ll last longer next time sweetie. And I promise I’ll call… really.